An embarrassing first experience of the gym


I think it’s important to first of all establish that I was always one of those people (otherwise known as a nob) who hated the gym and therefore liked to make the joke, fairly regularly, something along the lines of, “come on, you think I’m the sort of person who goes to the gym?” (Obviously whilst flailing my hands up and down my to my overweight physique, for comedic effect.)

There’s an awful lot of pressure in the gym, isn’t there? I wasn’t aware of this – nobody had warned me of it. There’s a level of tension that I had’t ever experienced before. For some reason, I thought that once actually in the gym, there’d be a weird sense of warmth and friendliness from fellow gym users. What a ruddy stupid idea that was!

*Cue awkward story*

On my first visit to the gym, the pressure got to me. It got too much. For what must have been in reality, two minutes, but actually felt more like two hours, I got lost in the changing rooms. Obviously, that’s not the entire story, that’d be a really crap ‘awkward story’ and I don’t want to leave you thinking “that was a really crap ‘awkward story'” so early on in my blogging career.

I didn’t just get lost, of course not…I got lost in just my boxers. Somehow, on my return from the shower to my locker, I managed to get sodding lost…IN JUST MY BOXERS. Remember, I was vulnerable – this was my first time in my new gym – this was my first experience of the crippling pressure that exists in gyms.

I walked past the same five or six people far too many times trying to find my locker, which made everybody (including me) feel uncomfortable. I thought I’d far too quickly and easily set myself up to become the new kid that was bullied by the gym gang. (AS IF THERE IS A GYM GANG, TOM! YOU ABSOLUTE MORON.) I could hardly pretend to have found my locker though, could I!? They’re all locked, that’s the ruddy point of them!

Eventually though, I did find my locker. No, I’m afraid the story doesn’t end with me having to walk home from the gym for the first time, in just my boxers. Sorry about that.

It was still pretty traumatising though, I hope you’ll agree and sympathise with! So much so, I’ve decided never to go back to the gym. Once was enough for me I think. *Scoffs whole pack of Cadbury Mini Rolls*